It has been one year and five days since Anthony and I separated. I think back to how I felt a year ago. I was completely devastated. My whole world had come crashing down around me and I did not know where to begin to pick up the pieces of my life. I felt like such a failure. I had to move back in with my mom and granny... fail. I didn't have a husband to rely on anymore...fail. I was broke...fail. I was in therapy...fail. My anxiety and stress were at an all time high...fail. What I did not see were all the good things in my life. I have a loving family that are willing and able to take me in when I need somewhere to go...success! I have the most loving, supportive and uplifting group of friends to pick me up when I am down...success! I am healthy and able to work...success! My fantastic therapist, Kaye Barboree, has given me the tools I need to overcome obstacles that come my way...success! I am getting better every day at overcoming anxiety and dealing with stress...success! I have an awesome God that "will never leave me, nor forsake me." Hebrews 13:5....success!
In October, after eight and a half years, I decided it was time to get out of my father's shadow and go to work at a different salon. He and I are so much alike, and both so stubborn, that I decided it would be best for our relationship if I worked somewhere else. I called my friend, Dama, to see if they had an opening at Fringe, where she works. It just so happens that they were in need of another stylist. I spoke with Felicia, the owner, and she said she would be happy to have me come be a part of the salon. I was so nervous about starting over at a new place. Would we get along? Would my clients like it there? I had so many questions whirling around in my head. The first day I was there, I felt so comfortable. It felt like I was meant to be there. Felicia and Dama have been so wonderful. I love them like family. I truly believe God sent me to them. I am so much more relaxed and happy. I love going to work everyday and I like being there. Some days I stay way later than I have to just because I love it so much! I truly feel like I belong there...yet another success!
As far as Anthony and I go...I am to the point now where I would be okay if we decide to get divorced. I could not say that a year ago. Then, I wanted with my whole being to get back together with him and have my life back in order. Now, I am not so sure what I want. I know that I am not going to rush any decisions. I still love him, he is one of my very best friends in the whole world. I don't know if that is enough. I still have a lot of thinking to do where that is concerned. I do know that I deserve to be loved unconditionally. I need to figure out whether or not I can trust that he won't hurt me like that again. Neither one of us has really tried to do anything to get back on track like we should have. From the beginning we should have been going on dates and talking about our relationship to figure out how to move forward. Meanwhile, I have learned that I can and will be okay regardless of what happens. I am a stong and capable woman!
On another note, I am turning the big 3-0 in eleven days. OMG! I was feeling a little blue about turning thirty but I remembered that a) thirty is not old b) I still look like I am in my early twenties and c) I get to start a new chapter in my life! I know that God has big plans for me! I am excited to see what the future holds!
What a difference a year makes! I am truly blessed!
